going back to my roots

A lot of the first few weeks of my self-imposed unemployment have been spent clearing out my parents house in Hillside. This has been a really bizarre experience – emotional, hysterically funny and exhausting all at the same time. As it’s the only family home we ever had, it really does feel like the end of era. Having no parents around is a really strange feeling – and I’ve found going through their personal stuff slightly voyeuristic. Maybe you were like me as a child – sometimes I REALLY wanted to know what was in a certain drawer or box, but it was ‘private’. Fast forward 20 years and I can rake through anything I want... but suddenly it doesn’t seem so much fun anymore.

I have come to two main conclusions about my parents: a) they were hoarders of the highest order, and b) they loved each other, and my sister and I, very much. In fact, these are inextricably linked.
I have found dozens of letters written to mum and us when dad was away at sea (in fact I could only read one as it was so touching I cried all over it and had to stash the others in the ‘sentimental stuff’ box for perusal at a much later date); I found many birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards sent between all of us over the years – how glad was I to realise I had often written things like ‘thanks for everything you’ve done for me’ or ‘love you lots’ – now they’re not here anymore, I’m not left wishing I had let my parents know how much they meant to me; I found various drawings and random items made by Shona and I when we were in Primary school; Mum had kept a programme for pretty much every single production I have ever been involved in (some of them made hilarious reading – Mrs Mac and the Martians anyone?!) And the photos....... some of them will not be seeing the light of day again. The 80’s have a lot to answer for.

I could go on, but suffice to say, it has also been quite a therapeutic time for me as well. I do believe that your childhood/upbringing/parents is what shapes you as a person – and despite these last few months being a sad time, I know I’ve (we’ve) been incredibly lucky. And once a Hillsider, always a Hillsider – even though we won’t have a house to show for it soon!

I’ve arrived in Orkney ready for a wee bit of quiet time, reflecting a bit and recharging the batteries before going off on my next travels. The weather was just glorious yesterday and I’m hoping to get out and about for plenty walks etc. I really don’t know when I ever had time to work lol.